Copied from: http://www.raptureready.com/humor/hb310.html
(Faves in bold)
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
I want to be very, very, very, very, very brief.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you're gonna look back one day and laugh, it's probably funny now.
I am a victim of my own apathy.
Why don't you ever see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?