'Entangled' by Cat Clarke

I'm not sure why so many things I've been watching and reading recently are depressing. This is another one which made me cry a little towards the end.

*SPOILER ALERT*

This book is about a girl named Grace who wakes up in a locked white room with pens and paper. She doesn't remember how she got there but believes she was kidnapped by a guy she just met. We learn that she was planning to kill herself in a playground when she saw him on the swings and she went to talk to him in an attempt to make him leave so she could carry on, but instead found herself getting more drunk and eventually throwing up and letting him put her in his van. In the white room she is in, she has her own en-suite and he brings her good food and she lives comfortably while imprisoned. The book is basically her writing down her memories, trying to work through what happened, and how things ended up as they did.

She tells the story of how she fell in love with a boy named Nat who treated her well and made her feel worth something. She tells of how she fell out with her best friend Sal after she became pregnant (but wouldn't tell Grace who by) and consequently had an abortion. Grace self-harms and Sal was her best friend, the only one who really paid attention, saw what she was doing and tried to help her to stop doing it. Grace continued to cut herself despite her promises to Sal to stop. Her father killed himself several years before (I think when she was 14 - she's now 17) and her mother is rarely around, so Grace looks after (or doesn't look after) herself.
When she and Sal finally make up, she introduces her to Nat. She can't understand why they seem so awkward with each other and tries to make them like each other, also hoping to find a nice guy for Sal so she won't feel like a third wheel. The details in the writing are really interesting, all of the different things that hint at what really happened, things that Grace doesn't seem to notice or perhaps subconsciously ignores. She sometimes feels like she's not quite understanding what's going on, but assumes it's not really important. Nat's younger brother knows Grace and tries to tell her the truth about Nat, and because of her stubborness, this eventually ends in him texting her from Nat's phone to come over and she sees Nat and Sal together (though it's not all as bad as it looks - they are emotionally involved, but Nat wasn't the one who got Sal pregnant, however being emotionally involved can in some ways be worse than physically involved).

Throughout the story it is switching back and forth between her writing her memories and her writing about this place she's trapped in, the white room, with Ethan occasionally coming in, but even when the opportunity presents itself, she somehow can't find the courage to escape from the room. Throughout the book you kind of know that the white room and Ethan aren't really real, but it's interesting to see how it plays out, and you're not 100% sure what the reality is going to be. Right at the end of the book it is the things that Grace can hear, people talking to her, and it's clear that she never met Ethan, she was never kidnapped, she tried to kill herself and has been unconscious, in a coma throughout this whole time, trying to work through all of this. At the end of the book she hasn't woken up yet, but she has hope, and she's going to try.

The end is really depressing and you kind of want to know what would have happened if she woke up, but this is definitely a better ending - the promise of a different life (one of the people talking to her is her mother, apologising for not being there for her, explaining how she herself was struggling to cope without her husband and promising that it would change) and an unsure hope for the future.

It kind of reminds me of the end of the film 'Sliding Doors' (which I love) - where Helen is in a coma after being hit by a car, and James is holding her in his arms in the hospital, promising that they are going to have a wonderful life together, and then the monitor goes flat as she finally dies. Though sometimes I do actually get angry at that ending, I like happy endings, but it is all a little more interesting that way round. There's always hope in their other life in the film - where she does wake up from her coma. Anywho, that's a discussion for another day.

I don't think I've really done the book justice with my description but hopefully it'll do! Would definitely recommend the book, though if you've read this, I'm sorry for ruining the story, still worth a read :).

A dash of nostalgia

Today as I was checking my e-mails I got a little pop up message asking me if I wanted to keep my password reset e-mail address the same. The e-mail address was one I haven't used in an extremely long time, though I can still access it (but hadn't for a very long time, I sort of check it about once every 2 years).
This ended up prompting me to go check that address (and check it still actually worked). Having logged in, I began to look at a few of my old e-mails and had a little nostalgia moment. That account is the first one I used after arriving in the UK, and I used it for about a year before getting a hotmail account so that I could use msn (another thing I haven't used in a long time!). So on my account I've got all these saved e-mails between me and my friends back in NZ at the beginning of it all, I was in contact with so many more people than I am now (though of course I have most of them as Facebook friends, but it's a little different from actually communicating).

I actually felt quite sad looking at those e-mails, some of them really reminded me how much I was missing NZ at the beginning and how lonely I felt. Among them were some e-mails between me and a guy who I was really good friends with and I don't quite know why we stopped e-mailing, I'm pretty sure it was quite a sudden thing. Though of course looking at all our e-mails they were never really anything that interesting or significant, though to an 11 year old I suppose they seemed more important at the time. I also came across a nasty e-mail I had pretty much forgotten about which really crapped on me while I was down, it was from a boy I used to go to school with (who is actually a Facebook friend, lol, good old Facebook).

Of course the worst thing that I found looking through those e-mails was something to do with myself. It seems I was actually one of those people who didn't type properly and used a kind of abbreviated text speak. I feel so ashamed. Luckily I was better than most, I think I did type normally quite a bit of the time but just used things like '4' and 'u' instead of 'for' and 'you'. In retrospect I think I was probably just trying to fit in a little at the time because 'everyone' typed like that, though as I got a little older I realised that it really annoyed me, so I started typing like a proper human being, lol. Ok, yes, I still use lol and a few others, but that's still a lot better!

So that was the most unfortunate realisation anyway. There was some quite nice stuff on there too, but looking at them feels quite odd, I don't quite remember being that person, I really wasn't very grown up at all but I did grow up quickly once I moved here. I was probably only like that for that year, I think when I was 12 I was starting to think a lot more like an adult and thinking everything through rationally, and by 13 I was pretty much a little grown up when it came to dealing with difficult situations. Not with my parents of course, with them I was still quite a brat throughout my teens, but with other people I think I dealt quite well.

Anywho, I just felt like a little nostalgic blog, not really interesting enough for anyone to particularly want to read it, but interesting for me to remember my 11th year.

Oh yes, I also went on myspace for the first time in a very long time (I had to reset my password as I couldn't remember what I'd used). It felt a little odd, It's changed since I last used it (as would be expected). I feel so old, lol - back in my day (oh dear), you could make your own layout and put the coding in the 'about me' box, so that's what I did, and at the time it looked really good. Now they've removed that, so now in the about me box it has all of these random things shoved together there. I couldn't be bothered to change it though as it's not really worth the effort when I never go use it. Did have a flick through some of my old pictures which felt weird, but also kind of nice.

Right, I'd better go, I need some breakfast and then got to get ready for work!

Depressing but Powerful

I was just going to write about a few films I've seen recently but realised there were a few things that had a bit of a 'depressing but powerful' theme running through them so thought I'd go with that instead. I haven't particularly said what the films are about, just my opinions, so I'm assuming you either know the basic plot, or can quickly look it up if you're curious - at some point I may update this post so you get a basic idea but don't have time at the moment. I've been watching a whole lot of films recently, and one that is definitely a new favourite for me is 'Never Let Me Go'. I had read the book previously and finally reserved and borrowed the film from the library. I thought the film would be able to capture the emotion of the film but I wasn't sure if it would be able to have a fully formed plot that didn't miss out anything vital. I needn't have worried, this was one occasion when I really felt like the book and film were both excellent. The bits missed out of the film that were in the book felt only like a little bit background information, filling out the world of the book, but with the visual information of the film it didn't matter that these little pieces were omitted.

I would definitely recommend both book and film, though they are very sad and emotional. I love the final scene of the film where Kathy says:

'We all complete. Maybe none of us really understand what we've lived through, or feel we've had enough time.'

Also related, Carey Mulligan who plays Kathy is such a wonderful actress, I've loved her work ever since I saw her as Sally Sparrow in Doctor Who - 'Blink' is still one of my favourite Doctor Who episodes. I think that the main trio of Never Let Me Go was perfectly cast, both as adults and children. I hadn't seen Andrew Garfield in much before, I think I'd only seen him in 'The Social Network', and that was as a very different character so I was interested to see whether he would do this well and he definitely did.

Again, on the vein of depressing films, I watched 'Changeling' the other day. I hadn't previously realised it was a true story, so when it showed that at the beginning of the film, it made it all the more powerful. You could really feel the frustration of the main character and how she was being blocked at every turn and she did come across as a very strong character though had her very emotional moments too. It's probably not one I would watch again, but I did find it most interesting the first time round. It would have been interesting to see a bit more of the police conspiracy etc. come to light but I think they tried to stick as much as possible to the true story and just hint a little with artistic license - e.g. the part where the boy who is being taken away says that it was the police that told him to say he was Walter. It wasn't really a role I would have previously thought of Angeline Jolie in but she played it very well, I think she is very good at portraying emotion through her eyes and that comes through very well in this film.

Lastly, one of my friends has become addicted to Ed Sheeran. She played this song, 'Little Lady', the other day for me and another friend to listen to and I wanted to post it on here. Note: This song includes swearing.

Camelot

I've recently watched the series 'Camelot' starring Jamie Campbell Bower and Eva Green (among the many wonderful cast members).
I very much like dramas from that sort of era so was quite interested to see how they had approached it. I didn't really know much about the series before watching it, so it was quite interesting to see.
I felt like it would be something quite good to blog about right now so I'm seizing the moment (even if the moment is at 2:18 in the morning when I should be going to bed - I'm sitting in bed, that counts, right?).

My thoughts on the characters:

• Jamie Campbell Bower makes an excellent Arthur, he is not someone I would have imagined in the role but they have reinvented it in a great way. I think he plays it very well and I like that his character seems quite transparent in a lot of ways. There's a certain naive quality to it all which really draws you to be interested in his character.
• Guinevere is one that surprised me. In many ways the character is what I would expect from this type of drama, but I had only seen Tamsin Egerton in St Trinians so came into it with this completely different character stuck in my head that I couldn't quite shake to begin with. However as the series went on I found that her acting when it came to emotional scenes was spot on and you really felt for her character despite her flaws.
• Eva Green is amazing as Morgan Pendragon. I'd seen her in a couple of films and this really showed another level to her acting. The depth of her character was very layered and in some moments it was hard to second guess her. She has a certain bewitching quality and the accent she has really adds to this mystique. I loved how she really had clear motive for what she did and how she showed strength and malicious power alongside a certain vulnerability in certain moments where you see a childlike quality in her.
• Leontes is amazing, Phillip Winchester play the part brilliantly. I don't know why Guinevere would ever cheat on him, he's fantastic. 'nuff said. Though I would like to mention that I enjoy how his character does have a little more depth than just being there to create a love triangle. He's great.
• Igraine is played by the wonderful Claire Forlani, who I had only seen previously in Meet Joe Black (a film that I very much like). She is another actress who I felt performed amazingly in this series. I love how the character is strong and determined and really cares for others. I think she was particularly good in the episode where she played Igraine locked up in Castle Pendragon and Morgan posing as Igraine at Camelot.
• I loved this new reimagining of Merlin, I was only sad to see that you didn't really get to know his character that much, you just saw him as this mysterious guy with a mysterious past. Joseph Fiennes is bewitching in this part, which gives him a sort of link with Morgan - the characters both have this quality which is a little otherworldy - which I suppose stems from the magical forces that both have a connection with. I was interested in the idea that he had been around for thousands of years and was sad that this wasn't really explored.
• The character of Kay is also fantastic, I love that Arthur has a brother, someone he can really connect with from their joint past - someone who really knows him. I like how this grounded the Arthur character to some extent.
• Can't really be bothered to name any of the other characters, but I like the women in this as they very strong and in many ways quite modern (ooh, and Vivien looks awesome). And I like how the other warriors who fight with Arthur have a bit of their own stories as well (even if I just did refer to them as 'other warriors').

A few notable positives about the series:

• As previously mentioned, the strong female characters are a great addition, I love the modernity that strengthens this.
• Arthur's fickleness is great, I love how flawed the character is - I think that the writers really managed to capture a humanity in all of the characters, allowing for flaws and attempted retribution for some of these.
• The fact that magic took it's toll in a very clear physical way was a great take on the idea. The scenes where Morgan is kind of dying are very powerful, and the scene in the last episode with Merlin wanting and trying to save Igraine is really emotional.
• The sets and costumes are completely outstanding! 10/10 for that!

A few less great things:

• There seemed to be quite a lot of unnecessary nudity which slightly annoyed me. Why put it in where it's not needed? The plot was quite happy without it! Some of it I suppose was needed (or at least needed to be implied), but some of it really did seem to have no purpose.
• Why start to explore the idea of magic with Merlin and Morgan and then just cut it off without any real depth put in? I felt like they considered going down the dark road to weird evil magic stuff and then after starting decided that it wasn't the way to go and moved on.
• Looking back over the whole thing I think the first half of the series was really promising, the second half was ok but started to go a little downhill towards the end and was completely ruined by the dodgy incest scene at the end. Fair enough, they were trying to have something to feed into the next series (which was then cancelled) but it was a little disturbing and I would have much more happily accepted a few more deaths and the promise of something better to come.

So I guess overall I quite enjoyed the series, I like that this allowed for a certain amount of darkness in the script, but I would probably prefer the family friendly programme 'Merlin'. I only cringe at the really weird looking little gremlin type evil things they throw in occasionally. Apart from that I'm a big fan.